WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
