I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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