i just had sex bonerless
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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