cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
