I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
