Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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