I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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