At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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