Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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