She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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