Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
