cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
