I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
