if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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