ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
