blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
When are your genitals available?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
