I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
