She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
