Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
