Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
