So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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