Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
