he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
