Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
