They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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