i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
