and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
