do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
