no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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