were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Randomize
