Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
