i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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