Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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