I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
