I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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