ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Randomize
