I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
