Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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