it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
