you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
