just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
