I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
