Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
