i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
