i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
