its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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