Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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