I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize
