I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
