Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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