There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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